What Women Really Want

What do women really want?
It's not rocket science, and yet sometimes the most simple truths are the hardest to live by!
Women themselves may bristle a bit when they hear this (it sounds so retro...), but ultimately most of us will concede that our deepest desire is to be loved. Respect goes a long way, and so does admiration, but showing and expressing love is what nourishes and sustains a woman in marriage.
Yes, we may want our husbands to acknowledge us for how we negotiated that last deal or how well we redid our kitchens or ran that 10K race, but at the end of the day, our ability to overlook minor transgressions and have an overall positive attitude in our marriage will come down to how strongly we feel treasured, cared for, and loved.
Many men may be thinking "I told her just yesterday I love her! I took her out for her birthday last week! Is there no end to her needs?"
In truth, there is no end. There is no end to the need most women feel to be the number one priority in their husband's lives. That's why Rabbi Aaron Feldman writes in his book on marriage, The River, the Kettle and the Bird, "It is unconscionable to give her even the slightest grounds for this suspicion."
On a practical level, how can men realistically meet this deep desire of women to be loved?

Here's a few ideas.

Express gratitude. "Thank you for dinner." "Thank you for giving me a free night to get together with friends." "Thanks for packing up so nicely for the trip." "Thanks for giving me time this evening to do work on the computer."

Don't assume your wife knows how much you appreciate her. Chances are she feels that many of her acts of commitment are just looked at as givens. Recognize and be grateful for all the little things she does, even if they're in her sphere of responsibility.

Express praise. "You're really doing a beautiful job with the children." "You made a delicious Shabbat dinner." "You handled that situation with your boss incredibly!" "That dress looks beautiful on you."

You may feel it, but if you don't tell her, she won't know! Take note of how hard she's working at the things that are truly important to her and compliment her on how she looks.

Really listen. Guys, that's complaint numero uno! Nothing is more frustrating than talking to your husband while he's texting his colleague or has his eyes half affixed to the sports page. Many women feel the pain of a husband who feels a million miles away. Focus on your wife when you walk in the door and when she is speaking to you, even if she's telling you something for the fifth time (if you really focus on her, I can almost guarantee she'll tell you less.) See her, hear her and respond to what she has told you in a respectful way. You would do it for an important business contact. She is your most important contact of all.

Turn toward her, rather than away. When you pass your wife in the kitchen or working at her desk, do you stop and rub her shoulders, give her a kiss on the cheek, or whisper something nice in her ear? Or do you just walk on by? Always try to turn toward her, instead of away. Look for ways to be physically and emotionally close to her.

Take care of her. Even a female CEO or the greatest multitasking balabusta wants to feel that her husband takes care of her. Always make her feel protected and don't be reluctant to take charge.

Don't criticize. Even though it sounds like helpful, objective advice to you, many women are very sensitive to criticism and never respond well to a harsh word. If you think your wife will benefit from constant, constructive criticism, think again. Your wife will not grow from this. She'll wither. This doesn't preclude communication, but if it's not done in a gentle and caring way, she's not going to respond positively.

Is there something you would like to add to the list? Let me know! As for men, next week I'll be discussing what men really want...if I can ever figure it out!

Ali Begoun