Yom Kippur: Father’s Day for the Jewish People

Yom Kippur is coming up, and it’s an awesome day, a day that can effect total transformation and create closure for us in a way that can only be described in one way...an absolute gift from the Almighty. But even if we focus ourselves and do the necessary work of Yom Kippur, we know that within hours, days or weeks we’ll most likely make the same mistakes again, fall into the same habits, say the same hurtful words, waste time in the exact same way. Aren’t we being hypocritical as we sit there in synagogue offering heartfelt apologies for behaviors we’ll most likely slide right back into by Sunday morning? Who are we fooling?
No, we are not being hypocrites. I recently heard from Rebbetzin Lori Palatnik that the day of Yom Kippur has been called “Father’s Day for the Jewish People.” We know God is often referred to as a father: we call him our Father in Heaven, we say the Avinu Malkeinu (our Father, our King) on Rosh HaShana. And what do we do on Father’s Day? We take dad out, we make him breakfast, we buy him a tie, we make him central to our day, we treat him like a king. For that day, our dad is a king. A few days pass, and we fall back into old habits. We forget to call him, we snap at him on the phone, we get too busy and distracted to put him on center stage. After all, we have a life, and we’re busy!
Was it all in vain? No. In essence, on Father’s Day, we get a moment of clarity. We stop the insanity of our busy lives. We remember what this man did for us, we focus on what it means to live from a place of gratitude, we take the pleasure of honoring him in the way he should be honored. And then we lose that consciousness once again. But for the day, our dad is a king, and we are at our best. Our most aware. Our most focused. Our most grateful. We are saying, “Dad, I don’t always come through for you. But this is me at my best. This is who I really want to be.”
And this, too, is Yom Kippur. The whole year, we’re insane! Running, ruminating, planning, distracted, preoccupied, no time for God! And then Yom Kippur comes. And we remember what it means to be focused and we put forth our best selves; thoughtful, remorseful, reflective, honest. Just like with our human father, we are making the statement, “God, I know I lose sight of my potential. But as I stand here today, I know how great I can be. I know Your love for me is infinite, and I want to build a relationship with you. Even if I can’t sustain this awareness, I feel it now. This is me at my best.”
We all make mistakes. Errors in judgment do not make us hypocrites, they are part of being human. We all fall. If we treat our father like a king on one day and then lose our temper one week later, we are not hypocrites. We are human beings. On Yom Kippur, we make a lot of resolutions to ourselves and to God. “I want to be better. Kinder. Calmer. More religious. More honest.” And then we slip. But for one day, we strive. “If I could really be on this level, this is who I would be. This is me at my best.”
Recently I heard a short, powerful story I want to share with you. A couple lived on a small settlement on the West Bank. They were arguing quite a lot and the husband often left the house in the morning highly irritated and feeling wronged. But after 7 or 8 minutes, his wife would get the inevitable phone call. “Sarah, it’s me. I’m sorry for what I said. I love you very much.”
Why the turn around? In order for this man to get to work, he had to travel through a tunnel where there had been frequent sniper fire and terrible tragedies. The tunnel was coined the “Tunnel of Love,” because everyone who passed through it was faced with the precious and fleeting nature of life, the incredible importance of their relationships, and the illusion of all their anger. After all, this could be the last moment, and how do we want to leave this world? And so, whenever this man passed through the tunnel, his whole perspective would shift and he would call his wife. “I love you. I can’t always be at my best, but this is who I really am. I love you, and I’m sorry.”
Yom Kippur is clarity time. It is the tunnel of love. It is a time to formulate a picture of our ideal selves, unhampered by the roar of the ego and all the body’s desires. On this day, we see ourselves as the great creation we really are; made in the image of God, a piece of God Himself, pure and with a worth that is absolute and immutable. If, with this awareness, we resolve to do things we cannot sustain, we are not hypocrites. We are human beings, doing the very best we can.
Have an easy and meaningful fast and a powerful Yom Kippur.
With best wishes,
Rabbi David and Ali